A couple of months ago a co-worker’s son told me that he had been ordained as a minister. I thought this was a little surprising and asked what church body was “overseeing” him and his ministry. He told me none, he was “ordained” by filling out a form online and paying a small fee. He is going to officiate the wedding of his grandmother.
The Wedding Report, a research firm, says last year one out of every seven weddings in the U.S. was performed by a friend of the couple. From what I see on the internet and in magazines, this seems to be a growing trend. State laws tell us who can legally get married and who can officiate the marriage vows. They permit or allow clergy to be a part of the process, if the couple so chooses. My guess is they do not question who or how one is ordained because of the “separation of church and state” stuff. Anyone can become “ordained” so they may officiate a wedding.
I do not have a problem with a couple wanting a friend or relative to officiate their wedding, I have a problem with the person getting “ordained” to do it. The online process trivializes what it means to be a clergyperson. For those who have not practiced a faith and have no plans on doing so, getting married by a clergyperson is not really meaningful.
Some feel that marriage is a sacrament like baptism or Holy Communion. I won’t comment on that, but I believe that Scripture tells us: that we should prepare for marriage, it is OK to have a large celebration after the wedding, that we should not be unequally yoked, and the reasons for divorce are limited. There are a number of passages that discuss how husbands and wives should treat each other. The church’s relationship to Jesus is described as a marriage. If our desire is to have a Christ centered marriage, we often choose to be married in a church and definitely have a minister as a part of the service. But do we always have to have clergy present when we do certain things? I know of people who partake in the Lord's Supper at midnight at their New Year's Eve party with no pastor or priest present and without the pastor or priest doing the bread and wine prep. I also know of people who want the person who shared the Gospel with them to be the one who baptizes them, be it pastor, friend or parent.
With that being said, marriage is a state of the heart and mind. Someone may be legally married in the eyes of the state, but in the heart and mind he or she may be very much single. We’ll let God decide if they are really married or not. Some people have been baptized and have partaken in Holy Communion and have never had a heart or mind change. We’ll let God decide if they are Christian or not.
Please share your thoughts.
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My husband and I were married 38 years ago by a Catholic priest, who was also the moderator of my college sorority. Both my husband and I knew him well because he taught philosophy classes and conducted many retreats for students. He was a friend and a priest. I believe that marriage is a holy and wholly contract between the couple and God and therefore requires someone who is in the ministry to perform the ceremony. By that I mean a real pastor or priest and not just someone who gets ordained on-line. I just heard about this through this blog, but my daughter just got back from a wedding in Maine, where the paster was the bride's brother, who got ordained on-line. How does this work????? Anyway, I guess I am just old-fashioned and prefer that marriages be officiated by priests or pastors.
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